Caption Contest: Naked man who is also a computer; eye bleach not included

We really don't know what to say. We're sorry? That just doesn't seem to cut it. Maybe these captions will bring a small semblance of comprehension to this screwed-up reality we now find ourselves in. Please add your own in the comments, we can get through this together.

Josh: "The Robocop program had seen drastic budget cuts in recent years."
Chris: "iFixIt's teardown of ASIMO revealed what many had suspected all along: it's just a naked white dude with a motherboard duct taped to him." and "Please don't play Crysis - the GPU is like RIGHT on my nipple."
Joe: "Mobile computing means different things to different people."
Paul: "There are lots of great ways to stay warm this winter. This one is lame."
Richard: "Unfortunately, Jim slightly misread the TSA's new less-annoying laptop bag rules."
Darren: "Um, no -- those aren't mathematical equations written on my bedroom wall..."
Laura: "Gaultier proves, once again, that pants are extraneous."
Don: "Hello, Starbucks? Do you let folks use your power outlets? Great."
Nilay: "It's the liquid-cooling system I'm most proud of."
Thomas: "Hey ladies, watch what happens when I hit the defrag button."

["Thanks," sgt_easton]